Hundreds
of horses race across the Arabian Desert in perilous situations. Plots are
created in attempts to move ahead in the race, even when death may be the
result. Quicksand, lack of water, and sandstorms are all fatal factors in
the prestigious competition. However, the winner’s purse is not the reason
for the contestants entering. They’re racing solely because of the title—the
best endurance horse in the entire world. It is believed that it is their
destiny, chosen by Allah.
Typically, only middle-easterners enter the race,
alongside their pure-bread Arabian stallions and mares. However, when
drunkard American infidel Frank Hopkins (Viggo Mortensen) claims that he and
his mustang, Hidalgo, are the best endurance team on the planet, he is
forcefully invited to join the competition. In the eyes of the Arabs, the
two must prove themselves, because of their self-proclaimed title. In the
eyes of Hopkins, they’re in it, simply because of the money.
This is all supposedly based on true events, and
while unrealistic, I bought into it for awhile. The entire setup sounded
great to me, and from the beginning of the film, I was hooked. The
photography was brilliant, the story myth-like; I almost felt like I was
watching Lawrence of Arabia, made for the new generation. The
running-length was said to be two-hours and ten-minutes. Based on the first
quarter of it, I was ready to experience the entire picture, with a glorious
grin on my face. Little did I know then, things were about to become a lot
worse.
About one hour into the movie, a sequence of
mindless subplots begins, ultimately leading Hidalgo down the path of
failure. Take, for instance, when Hopkins is mistakenly caught romancing a
woman, who, based on the results of the race, could become the fifth wife of
the mighty Saudi Arabian prince. Only wanting to rest for the night at a
designated stop, Hopkins finds he’s gotten himself into more than he
originally bargained for. Moments later, the possible princess is captured
by an opposing force. In order to save himself from castration, imposed by
her father, Hopkins must re-capture her. I was either truly in pain or this
incidence lasted for an entire half an hour; it’s not even really all that
crucial to the plot. There are many more happenings of this nature in
Hidalgo, but I’ll spare you from reading my rants on their awfulness in
this review. Why couldn’t the movie simply be about old-style horse-racing?
Too many mainstream releases these days feel as though they need massive
extra-baggage to prove themselves to viewers when they do not. Simplicity
works wonders, and can be well-respected
Towards the very end of Hidalgo, the style
of its execution only evolves into something worse than it was before.
Director Joe Johnston has made some masterful family films in the past, such
as Jumanji and October Sky, but his work here is simply
ludicrous. Whether he’s trying to mock the Arabia that David Lean
created over forty years ago is debatable, but it’s clear that his efforts
are disgraceful. During the final stretch of film, Johnston tries to bring
about some sort of artsy-fartsy feeling to Hidalgo, but there is no
symbolism behind it. Things happen without any reason and the audience is
left wondering why. Thankfully, as the movie stomps into its predictable
conclusion, theatre-patrons will finally able to take a breath and reflect
upon what they’ve witnessed. How could such a wonderful start result in
excruciating agony?
The entire experience that Hidalgo has to
offer is superficial. Sometimes, this can work to a picture’s advantage, but
here, it, unquestionably, does not. Sitting in the theatre, I awaited seeing
a Target-store’s tag pop out from underneath the sleeve of one of the
costumes. The music may be on queue and the Arabian Desert may look like a
vast and isolated place. I, just, have come to expect more than music
playing amidst vast, isolated places when I go to the movies. I guess I’m
just crazy. I must be, right?
-Danny, Bucket Reviews