If you’re
familiar with my reviews, you know that I strongly dislike almost every
movie with zombies, super-humans, or blood-sucking creatures in it. That’s
why it’s so surprising to me that I actually was enthralled by Van
Helsing, the latest $160 million dollar budgeted monster-mash to come
out of Hollywood. It’s even more stunning to see that this is about the only
film of its kind that the critical community abhors, considering I’m being
so affectionate towards it. Roger Ebert’s review represents the sole
favorable take on the movie I’ve seen published as of now. No matter; I’m
here to aid the minority, and make my opinion heard. Van Helsing is
the first unearthly action-extravaganza to deserve gigantic box-office since
last year’s The Hulk.
This is one of the few cases in which a film
actually lives up to the promise it exhibits in its first act. Van
Helsing introduces us one by one to each monster that it features, and
there are quite a few of them. Off of the top of my head: Count Dracula,
Frankenstein’s Monster, Wolf Man, Mr. Hyde, Dracula’s fleet of babies, and
Igor. Remember, too, that this is coming from the memory of the guy who
knows nothing about the mythology of these creatures. I’ve just begun to
watch Dracula movies; before this month, all I knew about him was that he
had big, creepy fangs and sucked people’s blood. Okay, maybe there isn’t
much more to it, but you get my point.
The famous Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), another
character I had never heard of before seeing this movie, has been sent on a
mission by the infamous church, with his sidekick Friar Carl (David Wenham).
He must protect the family of Anna Valerious (a very good-looking Kate
Beckinsale), who have almost entirely been plucked away by Count Dracula
(Richard Roxburgh) for generations. The minute he enters Valerious’ hometown
of Transylvania, which is depicted in an eerie and chilling way in this
movie (just as it should be), there is action abroad, as Dracula’s trio of
flying, blood-thirsty bitches stop by for a visit. Before long, Valerious
and Helsing engage in their mission to destroy Dracula. Was there really any
other possibility screenwriter Stephen Sommers could’ve entertained, in
order to reach a climax?
This is one of the rare occasions where special
effects overkill is only appropriate; each battle actually feels cool
instead of exhausting and distraught. Sommers, who directed Van Helsing
in addition to writing it, executes in a swift, disposable manner, always
leaving us properly hungry for another well-done fight sequence. He has a
wonderful knack for crafting action, allowing his audience to feel what’s
happening, instead of just throwing one mindless effect after another into
every corner of the screen. Sommers was also responsible for The Mummy
movies, which are lesser pictures than Van Helsing, but share common
grounds in craftsmanship. There are small, little features which distinguish
his creations, setting them apart from normal action-blockbusters. When I
noticed a particular reference or throwback in one of the battle sequences,
I smiled at the screen. Van Helsing is actually a lot smarter than
the plot accredits it for.
There is an exchange of dialogue in the movie, in
which Count Dracula begins to say the line “Do unto others...as you would
like them to do unto you,” but Igor finishes it for him. Only, instead of
reciting the actual proverb, he continues it with the line “Before they do
it unto me!” You could call The Count’s beginning delivery of the phrase to
be sarcasm, as if he only wanted such a response to come from Igor, but such
an interpretation doesn’t really make sense. He couldn’t actually be
advising someone else to treat others the way they’d like to be treated, for
he is evil. Instead, he’s merely setting himself up to be outsmarted by
Igor, with a big, loud, rebuttal-like comment. And in Van Helsing,
when a person raises their voice, it’s simply a queue to the audience that
they should get ready for some magnificent action in a coming scene. This
doesn’t have to involve the characters who signal it; it just has to happen.
That is, essentially, all that the movie is about—being big and loud. It
succeeds in doing so, and I couldn’t be happier, ironically. This is one of
the rare occasions where big and loud actually works. There isn’t anything
unlikable in Van Helsing, actually; it is a harmlessly adventurous
concoction.
-Danny, Bucket Reviews (5.9.2004)
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