“I want to be a good mother who is dedicated to
her kids. One who cares more about them than the name on her business
card…or porn.”—Francesca (Scarlett Johansson). Or something along
those lines.
The Perfect Score, which opened three
weeks ago, and desperately flopped, is a modern-day fable about six
teenagers who devote themselves to stealing the answers to the S.A.T.
test, to get into the colleges they either want or need to attend. And,
judging by the last portion of the line that I’ve included above, the few
people who saw the movie were probably convinced that the S.A.T. would
actually completely determine the characters’ futures. The team is led by
Kyle (Chris Evans), and includes Francesca, Matty (Bryan Greenberg), Anna
(Erika Christensen), Roy (Leonardo Nam), and Desmond (Darius Miles). There
is something enchanting about the whole picture, even though it often is
crude and conventional; my admiration overpowered my disgust for it, when
watching. That is, until the disappointing ending, where The Perfect
Score cops out and follows everyone’s favorite formula.
The actual heist plot, however, is absolutely
brilliant, considering the film is targeted at the teenage population. The
audience won’t feel as if there is anything wrong with the team’s
intentions to cheat on the exam, because it’s all in good fun. The
Perfect Score is just about as splendidly contrived as a movie can
get, equipped with nutty and charming little plans to outsmart security
guards, office workers, and, of course, the police.
The most pleasing aspect of The Perfect
Score is not the contrivance, though. The sole method of not
instituting any classroom-scenes works to its advantage the most. The
academic performance of our team of heroes and heroines is not one of our
concerns. Anna’s 4.0 GPA is appears just the same to us as Roy’s 0.0
(minus the humor created as a result of the latter student’s bottomless
grades).
After writing reviews on the web for almost two
years, it seems a little corny to be picking a favorite character in a
movie, but with this one, it’s hard not to. To be honest, I’m torn between
Nam’s portrayal of Roy and Johansson’s work as Francesca. However, I lean
towards the latter. Roy is the classic stoner—bubbly and zoned-out,
humorous because of this. The very problem is that, while he is quite
comical, it’s not exactly hard to play someone under the influence of
drugs. I would never deny that Nam is a budding talent, but I can also say
that Johansson pulls off something more than him. She brings a piece of
inspired creativity to a dopey project, just as Jennifer Connelly did in
The Hulk (even though that picture, on the whole, was loads better
than this one).
If the embodying “message” in it could’ve been
as good as the heist, I might’ve been able to say that The Perfect
Score would’ve made a great night out at the movies. Rather, I can
only recommend paying matinee price for it, as a result of the mediocre
finale. All in all, though, this is quite the compliment, considering
The Perfect Score was released in the cinematic wasteland that is
January.
Hey, look at Adam Sandler! He’s nice! And
people love him because of it! He’s more giving and caring
and…and…and… nice, did I mention that he is nice!?
Sadly, I want the mean Sandler back because,
goddammit, I don’t like him like this! He’s too likeable! I just loathe
him when I sympathize for him! Why must he have morals and become attached
to people!? It shouldn’t work like that! I’m about to start
hyperventilating in a second! Breathe, Danny, breathe…
Okay, so he’s not all that bad here, but
I still do prefer him when he plays an asshole, unlike almost every other
sole on the planet. 50 First Dates is actually quite watchable, and
I enjoyed it. I certainly wasn’t able to say that about his last effort,
Anger Management, where he teamed up with Jack Nicholson. Sander
has certainly improved over the years as an actor, and I cannot deny that.
Hopefully, he’ll actually make something just as inspired as
Punch-Drunk Love sometime in the near future. Or maybe I’m just
blatantly criticizing him for no good reason, because he got to kiss Drew
Barrymore fifty times.
Barrymore plays Lucy, who Sandler’s character,
Henry, falls in love with. Herein lies the problem. Lucy suffers from
short-term memory loss, so she cannot remember anything that happened to
her after the night before the car accident that provoked the condition.
Lucy’s family never tells her of her disorder, though, making her believe
everyday of her life is really the day in which the accident really took
place on. She, of course, is helpless enough to believe it all, too. Henry
spends the whole film trying to win Lucy over each and every day, even
though he is told by professionals that she’ll never remember him. And,
since 50 First Dates is really just one big fairy-tale, the
audience is convinced that Henry will do just about anything for Lucy.
50 First Dates is heavy on romance and
light on comedy. This is a good thing, because Sandler, frankly, isn’t
very funny, when he doesn’t have a bastardly attitude working in his
favor. This movie, on the whole, is a pleasant little experience, full of
witty one liners and sweet dialogue—just enough to keep its viewers
satisfied. I was usually amused by it, and it was certainly never a
painful experience. 50 First Dates is actually pretty remarkable
for a February release.
Aww…Don’t you feel sorry? About what, you ask?
I’ll tell you what, little missy! There’s this new movie for little
kiddies called Catch That Kid, and it’s really obvious. So what if
it has to be that way, in order for the young ones to understand it? This
doesn’t excuse it from being undesirable. I wanted to have fun when
watching it, I really did! Is that so much to ask? No, it’s not! At least,
I don’t think it is. But, of course, director Bart Freundlich ruins it for
me. He allows me to predict the result of every single situation, every
time. That little twit! What kind of a name is Freundlich, anyway? Yeah,
I’m acting really pathetic now, but I just wanted to have a sweet time at
the cinema for once. Too much seriousness was beginning to bog down my
brain, and what do I get? More depression—that’s what! Depression as a
result of a lazy filmmaker—that’s right—LAZY!
The premise is cool, too. In the story, a team
of three preteen kids rob a bank. No bullshitting. They rob a bank.
But that’s okay because it’s all for a good cause, right? Right. Little
Maddy’s (Kristen Stewart’s) father is an ex-mountain-climber, who operates
a go-kart track. However, one night, right before he’s about to get busy
with her mom, and dance the night away, he falls to the floor with a thud
for some reason and cannot move any of his body parts. His doctor tells
the family that Maddy’s father needs a $250,000 operation or, or, or…he
will (whisper) die. But, of course, his family doesn’t have that kind of
money, and their request for a loan has been denied. So, it’s only natural
that Maddy, being such a wiz-kid she is, decides to break into the vault
of the bank her mom works at. It’ll be a hard battle that she might not
win (shudder). Oh my gosh, her poor father!
Well, at least there’s Kristen Stewart there to
save the picture. If there was an Oscar for “Cutest Creeper-Arounder When
Robbing A Bank, Under the Age of 15,” she would easily win. I mean, total
piece of cake. The other contenders wouldn’t even be half the performers
as her, combined. It’s so damn…ahem…darn cool to see her rob this
bank. And you cannot forget the moment when she contemplates the password
her mother set for the vault. What a deep-thinker! I never would’ve
guessed the password in a million years, and was thoroughly impressed with
Maddy’s detective-skills, when utilizing the trial-and-error method. Oh,
how emotional it was. I can’t believe I fought the urge to cry as well as
I did. A cup-full of tears was nothing compared to the other audience
members.
But, again, I must ask you, Mr. Freundlich—why,
why, and why? You completely killed a fun flick! Now, only the
target audience of five-year-olds will be able to enjoy it. This is one of
the biggest and most barbaric crimes I have ever seen in my life. I think
we need to call in the White House to help bring about some change. I
certainly do not deserve being victimized, nor do the other teenagers and
adults across America.
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