Review: Cellular

Rated PG-13 | 94 mins

In Cellular, Jessica Martin (Kim Bassinger) is mistakenly kidnapped and left in a room with only a broken phone to tinker with. She taps and ties the discombobulated wires together and finally receives a signal, in her efforts of desperation. She picks up Ryan (Chris Evans) on the line, and begs him to keep with her, and have the cops try and help her. Jessica’s son and husband are later abducted too, despite Ryan’s car-crashing, holdup-inducing strategies to prevent such. When he actually does go to the police-station, he is unable to get to the floor in which the homicide detectives work, because he would lose reception in the staircase. Yes; Cellular is that contrived.

The entire movie relies on improbable event after improbable to get its point across, but it does bear several nail-biting characteristics. For the first two-thirds of it, I was quite riveted, caught up in each and every suspenseful moment Cellular had to offer. With a perfect soundtrack, swiftly crafted action, and some interesting performances, it is one hell of a slick thrill-ride. Unfortunately, by the time its third act commences, Cellular has already become quite exhausting. The fun that it offers for the majority of its duration finally catches up with its quality, come the conclusion. I have a feeling that, if Cellular was twenty minutes shorter, cut to a short and sweet hour and fifteen minutes, it could’ve been a masterful slice of cheese. In the end, it remains a serviceable thriller, but that is not to say that it could’ve been far better.

Watching Cellular, I pondered the concept of fun in film, and found myself quite fascinated. I think that most would deem it to be validly entertaining. But, for there to be a general consensus that a movie about kidnappings, which includes much violence, is likeable, seems a bit odd. Yes, it is well-made, but couldn’t one reasonably conclude that the majority of moviegoers find excitement in its material, rather than its artistry? Sure, the way in which it is handled makes for a lot of the “fun”, but I think that the attraction to stories like that of Cellular says something about society. (Mind you that this is not necessarily something negative.) I do not mean to be prude, at all; I like films of this sort as much as the next guy. But, one cannot deny that the fact speaks volumes about humanity.

Part of the magic of Cellular is that it is played completely straight. Kim Bassinger operates her character almost entirely in monotone, even with all of her kicking and screaming. Jason Statham is the classic bad guy, and Owens the standard hero. I bought into the whole thing, no matter how many times I said “Wait up!” and “That could never happen!” to myself. At the end of the day, any logical viewer will realize that Cellular pushes the idea of bending reality. However, I don’t think I’d care about this if it wasn’t for the mediocrity of the messy conclusion.

Whatever its flaws, Cellular does keep its cool, in all of its preposterousness and implausibility. I cannot deny the fact that it represents some of the most thrilling fare to come out of Hollywood, as of late. Omitting twenty minutes could’ve done wonders, but so the lengthiness goes. I’ll get over it. I hope.