Review: Teeth

First off, let me begin by stating the obvious: Teeth’s premise—which basically involves the horrors inflicted by a vagina with teeth—would’ve made for a great, corny five-minute movie. Unfortunately, writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein decided that, instead of making a hammy short, he would complicate the subject and stretch it out into an eighty-eight-minute feature. The central problem with this is that Lichtenstein, rather than merely using filler to move the film’s plot along, actually attempts to make Teeth a commentary on teenage life, repressed female sexuality, and the darkness of the male mind. The result is, of course, nothing but a piece of film-school-esque trash, one that squeals of self-indulgence far more than it does of inspiration. In exploring the psyche of double-fanged protagonist Dawn (a laughably serious Jess Weixler), Lichtenstein only finds half-baked themes that muddle the riotousness of his film’s central gimmick. In fact, that he explores the material so gravely and self-importantly makes it feel mean-spirited and borderline-offensive when the moment comes for male-sexual organs to be chomped off.  By the time the picture’s credits role, viewers will have learned just one thing: vaginal teeth are only good for throwing popcorn and howling at, not for contemplating the nuances of human-nature and sexual-desire.

-Danny Baldwin, Bucket Reviews

Review Published on: 1.20.2008

Screened on: 1.17.2008 at the Landmark in West Los Angeles, CA.

Teeth is rated R and runs 87 minutes.