Review: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Ugh. I am not in any positions to grade the efforts in Ya-Ya because I do not know enough about it. I understand everything that goes on during the plot and even what the characters are trying to accomplish, but I can’t relate to anything that happens. This is because I am a man (Oh my gosh! I didn’t know that!). Women can understand this movie and even laugh at the little occurrences that us males call stupid. For me, there was no purpose to the entire film, and that’s why I didn’t enjoy it. There are some quirky moments that I felt involved in, but nothing ever sparked on the screen, aside from some candles that the “Ya-Ya Sisters” seemingly worship. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood was not painful for me to watch, but it was pretty bad, and things just didn’t work.

The film opens to several girls around a campfire in the late night, who appear to be taking some kind of oath. We find that they are forming the “Ya-Ya Sisterhood,” which entails some kind of spiritual gunk that is too boring to pick up on. We then fast forward to a much later point in time when all of the girls have grown to be old, elderly ladies. We first see the grown daughter of the leader of the “Ya-Ya.” She is with her fiancé, who she has just held off a marriage with. This news is published in a magazine because she is the director of a major play. Her mother, who is the head of the “Ya-Ya Sisterhood” sees this and immediately calls her up. The woman, named Sidda, knows that its her mother on the phone when it rings and urges her fiancé not to pick it up. After three rings, he picks it up because of the growing curiosity that the annoying noise builds. Sure enough, its her, and she wants to talk to Sidda. When Sidda picks up, her mother throws a fit because of the delay of plans. Her mother is known for throwing these tantrums, and when her “sisters” find out they rush over to her home. What do they cure her pain with? That’s an easy one: Bloody Mary.

The fellow Ya-Ya Sisters feel that this is nothing short of a crisis. They must fly to New York and talk to Sidda to clear things up! Sidda is not at all happy to see them when they arrive because, frankly, she hates the people from her past. They want to take her back down South, where they live and she used to, but they need to find a way to fly her there. She won’t willingly go on her honor, and they don’t have the intelligence to reason with her, so they are going to have to take rather drastic measures. When they take her out to dinner and she leaves to make a phone call, they drug up her beverage. When she takes another sip out of the drink when back, she falls asleep, exactly how the sisters intended it to be like. They fly her first class down to their home, and she immediately screams when she notices that she is down south after waking up. Over the period of time that she stays they tell her many of their old stories from a scrapbook entitled: “The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,” where the film gets its name. These tales are acted out on video, and aside from Bullock, are the movies only riveting highlight. As she hears more of these, Sidda finds that the reason she held off her marriage is much to blame on her parent’s terrible relationship problems when she was a little girl.

For me, and most other men, Ya-Ya is an utter disaster and disgrace to filmmaking everywhere. But I’m convinced that women will enjoy the material, simply because of the way a female’s mind works. If you want a chick’s take on Ya-Ya: read reviews from Claudia Puig of USA Today or Mary Ann Johansson of The Flick Filosifer (Yea, its supposed to be spelled wrong). For us guys, there are the exceptional performances from Bullock and Burstyn to watch; but absolutely nothing else. I never thought I’d see the day where I’d deem the recent Bad Company and Scooby Doo better than something else; but here it is. Ya-Ya­ is stupid-stupid shit-ah.

-Danny, Bucket Reviews